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Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 10:53 am
Aria's icy composure almost faltered instantly, wanting to call Tara back into the room, not wanting to face him alone, it'd be too much - She gazed down at Vague, clenching her jaw and calming her mind. He certainly wasn't in good condition. Her knees wavered as she looked him over, not having seen that face in so long... Her insides forced her closer and she quickly sat in the chair at his bedside before she could collapse. Her stomach twisted as she watched his face and envied the calm she saw there... but she continued to stare, fighting all the urges that were welling up inside of her. She sat and folded her arms, watching, fighting with herself in her head, and waiting...
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 10:58 am
Vague coughed lightly in his sleep, a few seconds later he coughed again, this time harsher than the first, following this cough was a fit of several coughs, and eventually his whole body stirred awake. He slowly moved one of his hands to press against his chest, it was obvious on his face that the movement was almost as painful as the coughing had been.
letting out a bit of a grown, he reached over blindly and grabbed a glass of water with his other hand, slowly bringing it to his somewhat dry lips. Taking a few short sips, he returned it to the stand, eyes still shut.
"Tara?" He asked into the room.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:01 am
Aria's brows furrowed and she had to grip the sides of her chair not to move forward and help him. She had to stop thinking about him like this. She winced when he spoke, looking back to the door, wishing Tara were back. She hesitated, then finally opened her mouth.
"No... not Tara," she said, her voice sounding foreign, even to herself.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:09 am
"No... not Tara,"
Vague heard someone respond... The voice didn't sound like any of the nurses, but that didn't mean someone new hadn't been assigned to him. He let out one final cough before grunting his way into a propped up position, his back resting on the pillows, slowly he opened his eyes and turned his head in the direction of the voice...
Vagues eyes immediatly swelled with emotions, before nearly simultaneously being casted down away from Aria... She was here... Why was she here? He'd betrayed her... She hated him for it... what was left to take care of?
Vague worked his jaw around a bit as he desperately thought of something to say..."Hi.... Aria..." Was all he could manage, and the words could barely escape his throat.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:14 am
Aria lifted her chin slightly, fighting back the emotions that had exploded into her mind when he had looked over at her. "Hello," was all she could say at first. Then she shook her head and cleared her throat, her skin paling a bit. "I heard... you were here..." The words were very hard for her to form. "Tara's been staying with Mala and I. At the cantina. She had come, looking for you," there, now that she had found a topic of conversation, it was easier. She didn't look directly at him but at a spot behind him.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:20 am
Vague swallowed against the lump in his throat. "...Thanks for helping her out." he replied. Painful silence then followed. Vague bit his lip... there was so much he wanted to say and do... "So... How are things?" He asked dumbly doing whatever he could to get a response out of her... it had been so long since he'd heard her voice... though he had to admit it'd changed quite a bit recently, and not so much in a good way....
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:25 am
Aria's eyes narrowed. How could he ask such a thing?! 'How are things?'
Oh, just perfect, you cheated on me when you were the only person who's ever really made me happy, then left me with nothing, so I've been hardly able to retain the will to live and I've only found a way to pass the time by overworking myself and wasting away at a stupid cantina for two and a half months! She cleared her throat slightly again. "Fine," she stated. "But Tara's been worried about you. What happened?" Aria was satistfied with this, wanting to keep the topic of conversation as far away from her inner turmoil as possible.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:29 am
Vague cleared his throat a bit and glanced up at her before glancing back down. "I uh... was recruited into a fighting league... sounded like a good way to make some credits at the time... Had nowhere else to go... so I got into it, and the leader of it basically had me put under house arrest and forced me to fight to win him money... Last thing I remember was getting stabbed trhoguh the back with a sword... then I woke up here..." He said softly... he could sense the turmoil inside of her, and it was only making him feel worse and worse about what he had done...
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:34 am
Aria's eyes widened and for just one short moment, the old Aria was there again, concerned, and slightly frightened. "A... a fighting league?" she stammered and closed her eyes, trying to compose herself desperately. She wasn't supposed to care anymore, he'd betrayed her. But he hadn't. Allie had told them that, and Aria peered down at Vague, trying decide if it was the truth or not. But even it was, he'd still... She stopped thinking about that and cocked her head slightly, setting her jaw once more. "I never knew would fight for money."
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 11:41 am
Vague bit his lip and tried to look down farther. He already felt ashamed at what he'd done to her, and over the past few days he'd come tor ealize that what he had been doing there had been wrong to... This was all just too much...
"Well I did." He half snapped defensively... "What else was I going to do? The Empire wants me dead, I don't have any money, don't have a home, and after..." He stopped... "After all of this... I don't have anything else either. I just... had nothing of value left to lose..." Tears escaped out fo the corners of his now shut eyes as he gritted his teeth slightly.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 1:09 pm
Aria frowned. This wasn't the Vague she knew. The one she knew valued morals above things like money. But... then again. She wasn't herself anymore either. She gritted her teeth, not enjoying his harsh tone of voice, and feeling rather defensive herself. It certainly hadn't been her fault he'd gone and ruined things for them... though Micti's words cam back to haunt her. Is it possible that she had actually never understood Vague in the first place? But she thought she did, they had helped each other through so much.
"Take it easy, Durin," she said, seeing the emotion play over his features. "You're still recovering." She didn't know where her mouth was finding this steady, emotionless voice and words to use. She certainly felt the complete opposite of the calm she was portraying.
Posted: Fri Jul 30, 2004 4:56 pm
Vague sighed... She was right, he was still recovering... But, take it easy? how could she expect him to take it easy... having her there, in a chair only a few feet away was driving him to his limits... Ever since he realized she was there, he'd had this buzzing in his head clouding everything... The last time he saw her and the events that unfolded that day were running on a continuous loop in the back of his head as he tried his hardest to figure out what made her come back...
She wasn't helping either... sitting there with her blank stare, and flat voice.... He couldn't read her at all on the outside, and the inside was going in every other direction that he didn't dare try to sense it again.
Durin couldn't even bring himself to look up at her face anymore... seeing her... changed... like this, it hurt, terribly... He knew that he was solely responsible for it, and the guilt he felt was indescribable...
"Hows Mala?" Vague asked after a bit...
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:18 pm
Aria folded her hands in her lap and looked down at them uncomfortabley. "She's fine. Business is fine." Aria gulped slowly. I'm horrible. she thought sadly. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her thoughts. She couldn't stand this small talk anymore. And guilt was beginning to eat away at her. He had to be told. He needed to at least know what she knew. Then maybe he'd do something to suade her... she couldn't stand this undecided conversation. Something was eating away at her on the inside and she felt rather sick suddenly. But she bit her lip and continued. "Durin..." she spoke quietly and tentatively. "Do you remember what you did that night?" she asked, her voice again detached from her emotions.
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:23 pm
Vague looked down quickly, and took in a short breath. "I... No, Aria... I don't. I remember going to the club... with Jace. We were just sitting around, drinking, and there were these two girls that kept bothering us, but thats all I remember about the whole night... The next thing I knew... Well... I was waking up next to... Next to..." Vague swallowed hard, as his eyes began to moisten. "Next to Allie..."
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:26 pm
Aria narrowed her eyes slightly at the thought that he was on such friendly terms with Allie. But she swallowed her pride for a moment. "How much did you have to drink?" she asked, knowing he must be feeling horrible enough, but resisting the caring side of her that wanted to reach out and hold him close, telling him that it was okay.
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:30 pm
Vague slowly closed his eyes and took in a deep breath... It was ripping him apart inside... her asking him these questions... But he knew she deserved to know the answers...
"I'm... not entirely sure. Too much... at least seven or eight rounds... I... I'm sorry" He spoke from his heart... his ripped, torn, twisted, and mauled heart... He felt so horrible... So guilty...
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:35 pm
Aria's chest tightened as she watched the effect her questions had on him. He looked like that Vague she knew and loved. He was there, hurt and she was sitting nearby doing nothing. She wanted more than anything to console him. She was becoming less detached, and it terrified her. She choked on her next words, but then tried again. "Vague... I... you... you didn't do anything." Tears came to her eyes and she leaned over clapping her hands to her face, trembling once more. Her wall always broke when it came to him! She couldn't stay strong, she just couldn't sit by and let him be hurt... especially when... "Allie told me. Nothing h-happened. You were drugged... and... and passed out." Her voice cracked and she kept her face in her hands, not being able to look at him. She wasn't crying, not yet. Her years of mercenary work were letting her be able to prevent it... but she knew she was about to.
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:41 pm
Vagues eyes remained shut for a few moments... It took him nearly that long to realize the meaning of what she had just said. He didn't do anything... He was drugged... He hadn't betrayed her! He took in another deep breath, and slowly re-opened his eyes... But she wasn't watching hem, she wasn't even looking at him...
He bit his lip sharply to stop it from trembling as he worked to regain his composure... "Aria... I... I love you, Aria..." He stumbled through the sentence, practically suffocating on emotion...
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:54 pm
Aria couldn't stand it anymore and the tears began to fall down her cheeks and she sobbed, her body shaking. She didn't know what to say or do. She loved him so much, she knew that, she always had and always would but that had been so close. If he hadn't passed out first, he probably would have gone through with things anyway! Though, he was drugged, he still had an entire eight rounds. He usually only did that when he was - Aria looked up at him, eyes bloodshot and icy exterior gone. "Why'd you drink so much, Vague? Did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I did, I didn't know, if I'd known you felt-" she was cut off by another cough and helplessly gazed at him. Micti must have been right... he must have been depressed and she hadn't even seen it!
Aria couldn't go on, but she couldn't tear her eyes away. Her posture was slack, she was suddenly showing the turmoil that had been inside her for the past months. She felt so hurt and guilty.... and lonely. Tears continued to fall down her face, almost forgetting how he'd just declared his love for her so solidly. "I don't know what to do..." she whispered, lip trembling.
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 11:36 pm
Vague had been troubled... Depressed may not have been the right word, but troubled certainly covered it. He was drinking for a reason... Ever since it had happened, the Noghri couldn't get the thought of him kissing Mala while Aria was dying out of his head... He had nightmares about it while he slept, and was constantly reminded of it while he was awake... He had been trying to drink the pain and guilt away, but only caused more... both for himself and for Aria... He looked over at her with a desperate, longing expression on his face.
"I'm so sorry Aria... The dreams just... kept coming... And.. I'm sorry... So so sorry..."
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 11:42 pm
Aria's brows furrowed considerably and words spilled from her mouth. "Why didn't you tell me? I... I could have stopped you or something. I... you know drinking is your weakness... I'm so sorry, Vague, I should have seen it, I never meant to drive you to this, I... I've tried, I tried so hard, and I thought we were happy..." She was babbling now but her mind didn't comprehend it. She paused, her body racked with sobs once more and she covered her face again.
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 11:48 pm
Vagues heart ached as he cursed his body. If he was farther along in recovery he could move to comfort her... To do anything... God... if he could only feel her touch again...
"Aria, its not your fault." he spoke through tears. "I... We were happy... So I didn't tell you. I just wanted us to stay happy... I never meant for any of this to happen, you have to beleive me... I..."
Posted: Tue Aug 03, 2004 11:55 pm
Aria looked up at him slowly with this comment. 'You have to believe me'. Did she believe him? She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, though it was futile and tears continued leaking out. His eyes and his face showed her nothing to be afraid of, they were full of regret and pain. She wanted to be in his arms again, where things always felt right... but her mind pleaded otherwise. She fought with herself for a long moment before leaning over and slowly lifted a shaking hand, calused and scarred from working on her blasters so rigorously in the last few months. She watched her own hand hesitantly and then let it rest gently on his arm, chest tightening again at the feel of his skin. She kept it there and looked at the floor.
You have to believe me... his voice said again in her head.
Aria said nothing.
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:06 am
Vague bit his lip and his eyes closed as he felt her hand rest on his arm... Tears slowly escaped out the corners of his eyes, as silence came over the room... When she didn't respond, he opened his eyes... She wasn't looking at him again... rather her eyes were turned down towards the floor once more.
Durin didn't know what to do... He felt so helpless... He knew what he wanted... But he was not yet sure that he deserved to get what he wanted. Afraid to push anything, he lay still and quiet, tears streaming, heart bleeding...
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:09 am
Aria closed her eyes for a moment, then looked up at him sadly. "Vague... I've always loved you..." she said, her voice practically a whisper. She took a moment to move her chair closer and leaned her forearms on the tedge of his bed. "...but I'm scared..." she continued, forcing herself to continue looking at his face.
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:14 am
Vague nodded silently... He didn't know what was going to happen... He already knew she loved him... For he loved her just as much... But the fact that she still loved him, and always had... Well, that didn't mean she'd forgive him, much less take him back.
The noghri took a deep breath, and let it out slowly as he looked deep into her eyes. What could he say? What could he possibly say to make things right again?
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:23 am
She watched him silently. She didn't know what to do. She loved him, and now ached for him more than anything. She realised how dull and unhappy the past months had been without him. They were worthless and she wasn't going anywhere. She thought of what it'd been like with Vague. There had been times of overwhelming sorrow, but the times of utter and complete happiness always made the sorrow fade. She'd never been so happy. She had been with someone, felt needed and that she belonged. He'd been there for her through everything... was she going to let a mistake that wasn't even his fault taint all that they'd worked for. Aria lay her head down on her foreharms, on hand still on Vague's arm, the top of her head gently touching his side. She would have squeezed his arm, but didn't want to hurt him. She closed her eyes.
It pained her beyond anything when he was hurt. She never wanted him to be hurt. She wanted him to be happy, and safe, and loved. She closed her eyes. She knew he regretted it. She didn't question the pain she'd seen in his eyes and face this morning.
Slowly, Aria closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "It'll take time, Vague...." she said quietly.
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:28 am
Vagues eyes clenched shut. "Times all I've got left, Aria..." He spoke as clearly as his emotion flooded mind would let him. "Whatever it takes, I'll always be here..."
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:34 am
The corner of Aria's lips twitched ever so slightly, but she couldn't smile yet. "Thank you...." she whispered, her eyes still closed, while her mind suddenly slipped out of reality and into her memories. Tal'cya's cantina, Stava base, Cazzik, Sevok, Jade and Kroft, Kataal and Exprain, Mala, Tara, the nights and the missions, the illnesses, the darkness, the nights she never wanted to end and the nights she'd regret for the rest of her life, his proposal, the waiting for him, searching for her family, her near death, everything. She sagged weakly, letting them hit her one after another and squeezing his arm, wishing she could turn back time and make it so this last incident had never happened.
Posted: Wed Aug 11, 2004 1:27 pm
Vague slowly turned his arm over, closing his hand around hers. The effort hurt, but was worth it. "I love you." He wispered, and was about to say more when another coughing fit hit him.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:13 pm
Aria looked up quickly and this time, her body reacted to quickly for her mind to resist. She squeezed his hand gently and quickly leaned forward touching her fingertips gently to the side of his face, waiting for the coughing to subdue. Her expression contained nothing but concern for that brief moment. She realized suddenly what she was doing, but didn't move away. She took in the feel of his skin, the way her hand felt to be in his once more and another tear slipped out of the corner of her eyes and ran down her cheek. She was touching him again... she had thought she'd seen his face for the last time.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:24 pm
Vague was afraid to open his eyes, for fear of the moment ending, but he eventually did. His dark black eyes found Aria's and he quirked a slight bit of a smile. "I missed you so much."
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:31 pm
Aria blinked down at him, her fingertips still reasting lightly upon the frame of his face. She tried to smile, but her lips merely twitched. She had missed him too. So much. But she had spent the entire time trying to convince herself otherwise, it eventually became a blur. "I... I missed you too..." she whispered. She looked down at him, studying his face closely for a moment before something spasmed in the back of her mind. Her hand jerked back slightly and she slowly leaned back in her chair, watching him sadly. She kept one hand in his, but the other instictively clutched at the ring around her neck. She squeezed it tightly and closed her eyes, looking away, trying to fight the terror of being close again. Her logic screamed at her, telling her that she was doing exactly what she shouldn't be doing. She should have just wished him well and been on her way. But she couldn't. Her shoulders sagged as she realized how weak she'd become. She couldn't resist her own emotion anymore. And her emotions told her that she was meant to be at his side.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:37 pm
Vague took a deep breath as she pulled back, eyes widening just slightly. He bit his lip slightly... He wasn't sure what to say or do... Didn't want to push anything, careful not to force things any certain way... He looked over at her. "What can I do, Aria?" He asked softly, carefully...
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:42 pm
Aria opened her eyes and slowly turned her gaze to meet his. They were pleading, and helpless. She opened her mouth slightly and then shook her head, looking down at the floor. "Get better," she whispered.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:46 pm
Vague tried to meet her gaze, but it was down cast. "Soon, Aria. From what I've heard its only a matter of days." He spoke, though he wasn't at all convinced that that was all he could do, and it was evident in his voice, even though he tried to hide it.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 9:57 pm
Sighing, she nodded slightly, though it was obvious, him recovering from this wasn't what was plaguing her at the moment. The most, at least. She wished for a moment that'd he'd reach into her mind, go through all the junk in her head and pick out the thing that she wanted most. The thing that she should say or do, so make it better. She gazed at him once more, into those great black orbs of his that were so familiar, yet so foreign now. Her insides ached, and her mind was convulsing between freezing up and going black, and racing a million different thoughts popping into her head. Help me... she pleaded without realizing it. She tried to straighten herself, but realized she was till clutching the ring. She let go, glanced down quickly at the imprint it had left in her palm, and then placed her hand on her lap. She suddenly remembered what he'd said last. "Oh, um, that's good..." she said, a little too nonchalantly.
Posted: Mon Aug 30, 2004 10:10 pm
Vague noticed suddenly, for the first time that the ring was hanging from her neck. Obviously he'd noticed before that it wasn't on her finger, but he hadn't expected it to be, and at the time he hadn't given it a second thought. He wasn't sure how it made him feel, other then that the rememberence of the ring made the side of his face sting from where she'd back handed him so long ago... Blinking those thoughts away, he focused on her. He'd resisted the urge to look inside her until now, afraid of stepping over an invisible line... Help me... But with that mental plee, he opened up his senses, and slowly, tentatively connected with her own...
Vague sent a warm, reassuring wave over her as he dove into the swarm of thoughts that were cruising in and out of her conciousness. It didn't take him too long to sort through the chaos to find out what was really going on inside her head. She was split apart, torn in to. Half of her wanted nothing to do with him, while the other half didn't want to leave his side. Logic, it seemed, was doing its best to convince her that he would betray her someday, while her heart was still convinced he'd be her Vague Durin till the day he died.
Vague took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. There was so much emotion, so much pain... He wished he could just flip a switch and make things normal again, but he knew that that couldn't happen... Sighing slightly, he slowly withdrew, a longing, knowing look shining deep beneath the surface of his dark black eyes as he gazed into hers. "I..."
Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 8:54 am
Aria felt the wave of warmth and let out a slow breath, opening up and welcoming the moment of mental relief. She knew it was from him, and when she looked up into his eyes, she saw a knowing in them. She cocked her head and looked at him sympathetically. "What is it, Vague?" she asked gently.
Posted: Tue Aug 31, 2004 9:10 am
Vague shook his head slightly. He slowly connected and opened up his own mind to her. Doing his best to show her what it was that was going through his head... "I... Was this how you felt after... After Sevok tricked us...?" He asked her, refering to the massive wieght of guilt he felt for her suffering.