Lord of the Internet: Fellowship of the h4xer

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Maul_Junior
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Lord of the Internet: Fellowship of the h4xer

Post by Maul_Junior » Sat Aug 28, 2004 9:23 pm

The Internet is changing. I can see it in the General threads. I can feel it in my bones. I can see it in the spam. Many things that were known last year have been forgotten, for there are none now here, that don't have members of the opposite sex on their minds.

Three websites were given to the girls, fair, flawless, and pitiless to the millions of guys trying to get their phone numbers. Seven to the dumb male idiots who got arrested for stalking the three. And twelve. Twelve were given to the dumb male idiots who were just dumb idiots, who above all else, desire relationships of the female persuasion.

But they were all of them, decieved. For a wothless kid with low self-esteem living in his parent's basement who had difficulty engaging in even the most simple of social interactions with members of the opposite gender was building in secret, a master hacking computer. And into this computer, he poured his frailty, his skin's paleness, and his, shall we say, frustrations, and his will that had absolutely no willpower whatsoever.

One by one the websites of the free internet fell to the hacker. But there were those who were smart. A last alliance of vets and regulars teamed together to create the ultimate firewall, and on the brink of the hacker's internet, they hacked for the freedom of the internet.

Victory seemed imminent, but the power of the hacker could not be undone. He unleashed a virus upon the computer's of his attackers, and one by one they fell. It was at this time, that Weda Scami took up his brother's computer, and hacked the hacker's hard drive.

The Regulars had this one chance to destroy the hacker forever, but the will of Regulars is easily swayed. Weda copied the hacker's computer's files onto his own, and erased everything on the other's hard drive.

The information stored on Weda's computer, however, betrayed him, to his computer's demise. For six long months, the hard drive was put away to wait for another computer. Recent memory became distant memory, and distant memory became forgotten, all in two weeks time, because that is when Weda got his first girlfriend.


It was a quiet day on the Star Wars: Exodus Roleplaying Forums. Aside from a n00b being flamed into submission here and there, it was business as usual, aside from a death star, two or four Super Star Destroyers, most of the Imperial and New Republic Fleets, as well as many independent fleets as well fighting in a gigantic battle-threads being abandoned-crab hunts-and, of course, the ritual n00b barbecue, which alwayed followed the n00b flaming.

Everyone was enjoying himself (or, in rare cases, herself), and many were placing bets on who would shoot themselves in the foot first on the annual Blarney Hunt (which lasted all year, so no one knew why it was called an annual event, since it never stopped), who would be the first in the school year to be bitten by a rabid ewok, and who was the most likely person to be killed by meeps. Somehow, everyone always voted for Maul_Junior. No one was quite sure how he became so popular in this regard, but maybe it was because he had won the awards the previous four years in a row.

Aside from the Croft Couple and the Duck/Doctor making out, there wasn't a lot of action on the site. Sure, there was a massive battle going on, but no one really cared. It would probably just fade away, and the massive fleet that the Great Blue Duck (All Rights Reserved, Copyright Plastic Ducky Corporation, 504 Evil Imperial Flamer's Lane) was about to pull out of his pocket, and unleash against the galaxy.

Well, of course Corsos was planning Board domination, and Tabetha was dressing the Queen of Naboo up in ridiculous clothes that no one with fashion sense would wear-as is Naboo Royalty's wont-and various n00bs were in IFU (...no, not THAT....Intensive Flame Unit, ya morons), being treated for serious burns, that would invariably erupt again the moment they left the hospital.

For one shining moment, all was well with the universe. No flame wars over government of the New Republic, and whether or not the imps and republic should switch over to NPCs, because all were awaiting the enemy promised to them by the Duck that was at that exact moment kissing the nurse.

From somewhere down the internet, came a familiar voice. It was Neuge. Everyone was excited, because he made the best Galactic Maps. His coming meant that new websites would open, a new map would be made, and he would be laughed at when he told everyone he finally got a girlfriend. Everyone knew that he made some of the best HTML codes in the area, and all were looking forward to see what he had brought with him this time.

Little did they know that from his journey, an adventure unlike anything they'd ever seen before would sprout, that would pit duct tape against the forces of hackers.


Stay tuned for Part 2

EDIT: oops...I meant to post this in the Story Forum....

*glares at hands*

stupid hands!

Hands: STRIKE STRIKE STRIKE!

*Slaps hands (don't ask me how I'm slapping them if I don't have hands...)*

nobody post here....the discussion topic is:

http://www.starwars-exodus.com/forum/vi ... 4748#84748

meh...

*scurries off to get a mod*
Jack Thompson wrote:I think I’ve got a First Amendment right to annoy people
Some people hate Canadians...Two of my favorite Science Fiction Characters are Canadian: Rodney McKay and Deadpool.

Deadpool+Siryn 4ever

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Maul_Junior
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Post by Maul_Junior » Sun Oct 10, 2004 6:19 pm

All was quiet in the General Forums. Life went on much as it had for the past year. Complaining, political threads, flamage, closage, more flamage, a tad more closage, banning, people getting dates, the Duck flirting with Medic, and many other horrible and grotesque things.

The author, having typed these things in, took a short break from writing to dodge a sudden current of flames sent his way from a large piece of molded rubber.

Ket Maliss looked up from reading a book and looked around and made sure no one was looking, and ran to Tabetha's hosue and put her diary back in its place, and snuck out. Luckily, Tab was at her computer, writing some mushy love scene with her Allyah character, and was so engross she didn't notice him until the door slammed shut behind him, sending out the thirteen torture droids to capture him. One hour and several doses of morphine later, Ket stumbled up to his house, completely stoned, and walked in the door, and onto a couch. It was an awfully nice couch, if a bit scratchy.

Plus, the stupid couch kept moving. Ket didn't mind, though, and readjustedh imself slightly, just before being sent to the ground. "Ket Maliss!" a voice said over him, and Ket smiled stupidly, and didn't do anything. "It's me, Wedge! I've got my uber-staff...I ordered it on Starbay! It's really cool! It's got a Battletech PPC thing in it...I can take on half a Kurita division, and still be kicking after the battle. You never saw me."

And, of course, by then it was true, since Ket had fallen asleep and was having dreams of being a big, hulking lizard, armed with a really powerful blaster...covered in flowers, and he was wearing a pink dress in a pink room, and everything, including him, was covered in flowers too. And the strange thing was, he liked it.


Meanwhile, Coron was outside, playing with his, as he called them, "my preciouses," and, "my precious flowers." nobody was quite sure why he hoarded them (or used such grammer hideous), and threatened to dismember anyone who so much as thought about picking one, but he did. Something about never finding a girlfriend, and needing all the flowers he could get to find one.

And so it was a great surprise when Ket, still half-drugged, rushed out the door and started pulling up his flowers. Coron, enraged, called up his Destroyer Droid, half wondering if he even had one, or if it belonged to somebody else, and had it fire on Ket.


Meanwhile, down at the Pink Bantha, many of the girl hobbits were having a tea party. It was a pretty posh affair, one where pink dresses were the modus operandi to getting in. It wasn't a place where guys would normally be seen.

"You sure about this?" Bizzy asked Maul_Junior, glancing down at his pink tutu, and looking around to see if anyone was looking at him before darting inside.

"Yeah," Maul_Junior said, taking his sweet time getting in. he was wearing a pretty pink number, with a big red bow on the front, "Girls love dresses, and talking about 'em. They won't notice that a couple of guys would dress up as girls, just to try to get a girlfriend, would they?"

"But you're the board's bachelor!" Bizzy hissed, "Why are you dressing up?"

Maul_Junior glanced around, "Well, I like the scenery in here, and I overheard you saying you were desperate, so, I thought I'd help you out. And remember, my name is Bethany."

Bizzy gave him a strange look. "Right," he said, "As if any of the girls in here would know you."

One of the girls at the tea-bar looked over at the pair, "Bethany!" she called, "Come over here!"

Bizzy began to drool, "That's Princess Tabetha...the hottest Storyboarder in all of the forum!"

Maul_Junior shifted nervously, "Stop drooling," he said quietly, "That's how I broke my cover the first twenty-two times."

But it was too late. the girls had already noticed it, and what had been a posh, proper teaparty a second before suddenly became a thriving den of wild-eyed heathens, intent on throwing the intruders through the door.

"But it's closed!" Bizzy protested to Maul_Junior, "Surely they wouldn't throw us through it while it's closed!"

Fifteen seconds later, Maul_Junior looked down at his dress. "Aw," he said, "It'll never be the same." he said, as he wiped sawdust off of himself, and pulled out a small device and pusehd a button. Instantly, he was clad in leather, just as the first reporter rounded the corner. he grinned, "See ya,, Bizzy. Have fun in the tabloids, or should I say, the Spiral of Worlds Forums!"

Maul_Junior walked off, smirking, listening to Bizzy's pitiful cries as he was hauled off to that board-forsaken place.


Stay tuned for Part Three!

The uberly-cool staff makes its uberly-cool fireworks demonstration, while single-handedly holding off the Yuuzhan Vong and a third of Maximillian Liao's Battlemechs. Plus, of course, more attempts by Bizzy, Ket, and Coron to get girlfriends, and the consequences thereof.
Jack Thompson wrote:I think I’ve got a First Amendment right to annoy people
Some people hate Canadians...Two of my favorite Science Fiction Characters are Canadian: Rodney McKay and Deadpool.

Deadpool+Siryn 4ever

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Maul_Junior
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Post by Maul_Junior » Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:26 am

"My turn!" Maul Junior whined, but Neuge ignored his protests. "Come on!" Maul protested, "You promised me that you'd let me borrow that staff next time that you came to the General Forums!"

Neuge's eye twitched, as it had ever since he had first heard Maul's voice. "I did not."

Maul shook his head. "Yes you did!" he insisted. "See? Here's a transcript of the recording that I made of you saying it. I got it notarized!"

Neuge glanced at the transcript, then rolled his eyes. "Um, Maul," he began, "If you look at it carefully, you'll see that I just said that to shut you up, so you would stop bothering all the girl over in RL."

Maul cocked his head to one side. "What's RL again?" he asked.

Neuge's eye twitched again. "Where I wish I was right now if I had enough money...Rio and Las Vegas. Besides, it's not even mine. It's Wedge's. I'm just...holding it for a while. Have you ever heard of....Ravidadoodledingongt the Brown? Well, that's Wedge's equivalent in this little ditty. The reason you gave the Brown dude that name is because you're too lazy to go to the book that this is based off of and find out waht Ravidadoodledingongt the Brown's REAL name is."


Ket, now fully recovered from the morphine he'd gotten in the last chapter, will not be in this chapter yet, because right now he's stoned from Coron's poppies. So is Coron, but let's go over to Tab, over in the Pink Bantha.

"All right," Tab said, "Who else thought that Bizzy was cute in that little pink tutu? We should ask him to join our women's ballet club!"

"No!" Black Huntress roared, "They DARED to violate the interior of the Pink Bantha. We should hunt them down and make them watch BBC TV shows!!!!"

The other girl hobbits stared at Huntress. There was a long pause. "That's awfully mean," Tab said slowly, "even for you. Here's what we'll do..."


That night therer was a massive celebration, as word had come that the making out of Ducky and Medic had FINALLY stopped, and Neuge came out to show off Wedge's staff (which sent, of course, Maul running over to Wedge asking if he could borrow it).

Just as the party was getting underway, however, word came that the Duck and the nurse had FINALLY gotten married, and would be making out for the rest of their lives. Naturally, this discouraged many people (namely because they couldn't get a date, let alone a date to make out with), but they quickly cheered right up when they remembered that the Duck and the nurse had to go on a honeymoon, which meant that they wouldn't have to look at the Duck and the nurse making out in front of them, and remind them of how pitiful they were.

This inspired Neuge to actually try out Wedge's uberly-cool staff, instead of whipping it around uberly-coolly, and hitting not-so-uberly-cool people upside the head with its uberly-cool tip.

To Neuge's surprise, the fireworks that came out came out of the end that was pointed at the ground, and, after doing the "I hurt so bad" dance, and spending several hours chasing Maul Junior around to get the Uberly-cool staff back (the "I hurt so bad" dance requires that you aren't holding anything). True, half of the boards watched Neuge dance, and decided that the "I hurt so bad" dance was the coolest thing since Ket had been stoned on all the morphine he'd gotten.

Ket himself, meanwhile, was stoned, if you remember, and had brought a date (a big old rock that nobody hadbeen able to get out of his lawn. ever. So far, he'd managed to impress the rock quite a bit, and had managed to make friends with the rock's dad (Ket's outhouse), and had promised to make sure that the rock was back by ten.

Then, just as the party couldn't get any weirder, Tab, Black Huntress, and the rest of the girl hobbits showed up, and played the video of Maul (who nobody recognized) and Bizzy (who everyone recognzied right away, probably because he was terrible with makeup) in their dresses in their failed attempt to get girls at the Pink Bantha.

When Bizzy insisted that the second person was Maul, everyone laughed at him and pointed out that Maul was the bachelor of the boards, and, when no one was looking, Maul used the uberly-cool staff to put Bizzy back into his dress. After a good deal of laughter, Bizzy flaming Maul, and Maul getting the uberly-cool staff taken away by Neuge before he could do anything to Bizzy, Everybody pigged out on cake (the guys because they didn't want to remember how many girls had turned them down when they asked if they wanted to go to the party with them, the girls because, well, girls are made of sugar, spice, cell phones and credit cards, and sugar is in cake, and they were running low on sugar to power their eternal shopping trips where they use their credit cards constantlly while talking on their cell phones, which they do all the time, by the way).

Because Maul's attention span was too short to write anything else in this part, everybody suddenly got hyper and tore everything down, so Valyn would have to wait to give his going-away speech until the next part.

DISCLAIMER: this is all in fun, and nothing is to be taken seriously (and I ahve never dressed up in a dress, and I doubt Bizzy has either).
Jack Thompson wrote:I think I’ve got a First Amendment right to annoy people
Some people hate Canadians...Two of my favorite Science Fiction Characters are Canadian: Rodney McKay and Deadpool.

Deadpool+Siryn 4ever

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