Batman Vs Deadpool: Dawn of Justifiable Comicide

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Nichalus
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Batman Vs Deadpool: Dawn of Justifiable Comicide

Post by Nichalus » Mon Aug 01, 2016 1:06 pm

Kyle stood underneath the dim lights of the warehouse, in his hand was a long sheet of paper that he was perusing, with one hand rubbing his chin thoughtfully, and his other hand pulling at the crotch of his bullet-resistant, and sexily tight-fitting, dark crimson soft-armored suit. His masked face leaned slowly this way and that, while his white lensed eyes, surrounded by a black diamond design, scanned the list on the paper.

"Let's see...Milk, bread, butter, steaks...and yes! And those soooo tasty little green lentils and those cute little new potatoes!" He writes down the additions with a pen that appears to write in both black and red, the red writing smears strangely as he writes. "We'll go with a luscious Red Velvet cake with a yummy Cream Cheese frosting." He shakes the pen slightly, as the pen seems to be running out of ink.

A muffling sound comes from the man, who is hanging by his wrists by a tightly bound rope from an above beam. His brow is streaming with sweat and blood from a large gash above his right eyebrow, and a right eye that is completely swollen shut, duct tape is wrapped around his mouth. The man's frantic lone eye is open wide, seemingly pleading with Kyle.

Kyle looks up at the man. "What's that?"

The man muffled reply sounds both like a plea and a scream.

"OH! You're so right!" Kyle exclaims happily. "A nice red wine is a MUST for a romantic dinner! You're so thoughtful!" Kyle suddenly jams the pen into the man's chest, who then screams in pain behind the duct tape. "Sorry, needed more ink." Kyle states apologetically as he pulls the now bloody pen's tip from the man's chest, and writes on his list.

"So..." Kyle throws the list and pen over his shoulder as if they didn't exist in the first place, and starts hop skipping around his captive audience. "You've been a very bad boy Roger." He flicks Roger's nose as he passes by, eliciting a startled jerk from Roger. "Two little birdies told me that you were the bossman in charge of the little shenanigan involving intimidating and assaulting a certain person in Metropolis...granted those little birdies are currently trying to fly without their arms...but ya know, the miracles of modern science can make anything fly nowadays."

Kyle stops in front of the man, and looks at Roger for a moment, once again going into a thoughtful pose and taps his index finger against his chin. "So, now that I got you, what am I to do with you?"

The man immediately begins to obviously beg and plead for his life through muffled whines and words. Kyle reaches over and places his finger on the duct tape of Roger's lips, and then putting his other index finger over his own. "Shhhhh...Daddy's thinking." He immediately goes back into contemplation mode. "Wire hanger up the pee hole? That's an oldie but a goody."

Roger shakes his head vehemently.

"No? Hmmm....Testicle removal through the anus? Messy, but it gets the point across."

Roger shakes his head even more vehemently.

Kyle sighs heavily in irritation. "You're a picky one aren't you?" He ponders for a moment, and looks around the warehouse where he spies a SUV nearby...and one that has a automatic front wench on the bumper. and then suddenly perks up. "I KNOW! A William Wallace is what this calls for! YES! I've always wanted to try this!"

The expression on Roger's face actually conveys a look of puzzlement.

"Well, you see Fuckstick. The William Wallace is where I take one of these..." He reaches over his shoulder and pulls out one of his gleaming katanas from it's sheath, and then rests its point on Roger's not too inconsiderable gut. "...cut you chubby bubble open, then I take the wench hook, tie your intestines to it and...well...I think you know where it goes from there." He does a little girly like clapping. "Yay me! This is going to be great!"

Kyle skips over to the SUV and begins to pull the wench's hook over towards Roger, who is now in a full-blown frenzy trying to get out of his restraints.

Suddenly a shot rings out, which nearly deafens both Kyle and Roger both in the enclosed space. Standing at the now opened door at the entrance is a dozen men, all of whom have various firearms pointing at Kyle. The middle man wearing a expensive suit, holds his pistol out, it's barrel now smoking from the shot.

Kyle turns around to face them, his crimson mask now has a, also smoking, hole on his left cheek, while his right cheek side is completely obliterated. Blood rushes from both wounds, with sinewy muscle, both connected and unconnected moving and wiggling in place.

"Muuuuthphrrr....PHUCCKER!!!" Kyle manages to gurgle out as he stares at the amassed henchmen at the entrance. "Nutthhh baahday...PHUCKKKKs withhhh thhissss buuutthherfacphhh!"

All the henchmen stare at Kyle, shock slowly filling their faces. The shock doesn't come from the gore of the bullet hole, but the fact they can see the obliterated tissue slowly reforming, the exposed tendons suddenly snapping back together, and the skin of his face slowly, but noticibly, regenerating over the holes.

Kyle waggles his jaw back and forth, as if popping it back into place, and then in his best Daffy Duck impressionation.

"You know...of course...this means war."
:obiwan: The 'Old Man' of the Exodus

EFFL Champion (2013-2016) First Two-Time Exodus Champion

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Re: Batman Vs Deadpool: Dawn of Justifiable Comicide

Post by Nichalus » Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:50 am

Outside the warehouse the windows began to light up like their was a fabulous disco party happening on the inside, as the gunman opened up on Deadpool. Inside the reports of the gunfire was deafening.

Deadpool let out a little girl yelp as he dove over behind a stack of various wooden crates, while the gunman seemingly forgot poor Roger was directly behind him, and thus disappointing Deadpool that his William Wallace would have to wait for another day as Roger is torn apart by the hail of bullets.

"You see dear Readers..." Deadpool said looking at you, while the crates he was hiding behind were quickly becoming a pile of wooden matchsticks as the rounds began shredding them. "Roger Rocket...God Rest his pathetic soul...was putting pressure on a small business owner in Metropolis...yes, the Big Blue Fucking Boy Scout's home...apparently who ever was stupid enough to hire belly boy, wants to make some headway in the Big M, and they were squeezing the Charmin to buy the poor shmoes business to make a front. Hence why I putting this beautiful Butterface on the line...well...that and certain amount of moola..." He rubs his index and thumb together. "...cuz this Butterface ain't cheap."

He points at Mir. "Shut up John! Or I'll tell everyone why the stuffed Teddy Bear next to your bed has a hole cut into its ass area, and it's kinda all matted and gunky back there. In a word readers....Ewww."

He checks the magazines in both is Beretta Storm .45s, each one with a smiling Deadpool happy face on the handles, then looks back at you. "Well...Time to make the Chimi-fucking-changas! Maximum Effort!"

Deadpool leaps straight up into the air and performs a forward flip and fires several shots from his pistols, nailing two gunmen in the middle of the group in their foreheads, causing their brains to evacuate out the back of their heads.

He lands deftly on his black booted feet and continues to walk towards the group, not really giving a fuck that there were dozen's of rounds heading in his general direction. He leaves one round in each gun and put them back in their thigh holsters, then reaches back and removes his twin Katanas and manages to deflect 4 rounds back at the gunmen, hitting one in the head, two gunmen in the chest and the fourth unlucky bastard got one right in the testicles.

"Oooo, right in the Mommy and Daddy basket." Deadpool cringes slightly. "But look on the bright side! You won't be needing them anyway." he then promptly sliced the man's head neatly from his neck, the gunman's face still grimacing with the groin pain as it bounced several times on the floor before coming to a rest.

Suddenly a round goes through Deadpool's right wrist, severing the tendons and causing him to drop the sword that held it. "Ouchies!!!" He dives behind another set of crates and peers through the large caliber hole that he already reforming. "Mother fucking Shit Biscuits! That fucking hurts. Whoever did that, I hope you have a dog or cat at home, cuz I'm going to go find it, fuck it and then not call back the day after!"

"That's not nice!" One of the gunman yells back.

Deadpool quickly unsheathes a throwing knife and promptly leans out from the sides of the crates, tosses the blade with pinpoint accuracy and buries it in the throat of the gunman, who falls backwards gurgling as his lungs begin to breath in his own blood.

"Anyone else got pets?"

The remaining gunman all remain quiet, as they finally realize that their mark is not just some ordinary shmoe, coupled with the fact that he seems to be bat shit crazy.

Leaning back to the relative safety of the crates, Deadpool looks at Cazzik. "By the way Caz, when I gave Captain America back to you, I forgot to mention that I gave him a horrible case of Gonorrhea. We were in Rio, things got wild...I swear I don't know how those midgets got in the room....sorry."

Suddenly from somewhere near the entrance, someone began to clap earnestly, as if they had just heard and witnessed the great Aria of their lives. "Bravo! Encore! Encore! I have watched the best in the business before, but you...you lovely and funny man, have taken the top spot!"
:obiwan: The 'Old Man' of the Exodus

EFFL Champion (2013-2016) First Two-Time Exodus Champion

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